When I began this column over a year ago now, I vowed to keep it real with you all. I said I would share the good, bad and the ugly. Although it took me a few months to shy away from the light and funny aspects of motherhood, I daresay I have gotten into the groove of only sharing my hardships lately (Lord knows there’s been enough of them.) 

So, after a week off spent loving on my family, I am back in the swing of things and basking in the positive. 

Most moms, me included, are ready to get those kiddos back on routine and in the school yard first thing Monday morning after an extended break. That was not me this time. I actually think I may have been dreading sending them back more than they were dreading going back themselves.  

I cannot pinpoint exactly what made this break so different from any of the others, but there was an obvious shift. It wasn’t just sleeping in, slow mornings, eating everything in the house, being lazy, late nights, lack of structure. I genuinely just miss THEM! I may or may not have thrown around the idea of homeschooling them until I thought about it long enough.  

I know they like to act a little crazy and bring me to the point of insanity sometimes, but I am overwhelmed with love for each of them. I will admit all the sickness going around this time of the year also has me feeling anxious and on high alert lately. I not only want to keep them at home, but I would also like to put them in a bubble if I could.  

I am what one may call a hypochondriac. I have been this way since birth, I think. You did not want to be around me during peak Covid… dark times, dark times. Over the last several days, I have found myself getting back to that – in a constant state of fear and always worrying when the ball will drop.  

If you are a believer, I am sure you can relate to those brief moments of clarity and peace.  Luckily, I had one of these and it was right on time.

Sunday night, I was saying my prayers before bed, and I found myself just repeating the same sentence over and over again. (Like God didn’t get it the first time, right?) I knew at that point I was just saying it over and over to give myself a bit of peace. Yes, MYSELF. This is where the moment of clarity comes in. 

I am reciting, “Lord, please just keep my babies safe. Lord, please just keep my babies safe.” 

It was probably after ten consecutive minutes of just reciting this over and over, I stopped.  

I heard God say, “I’ve got this.”  

Clarity. 

In that moment of clarity. I was suddenly no longer anxious or afraid. I know God loves my girls more than I ever could and He is going to take care of them.

But that’s not all.

I felt led to open my Bible and turn to a random page. I do this often and I have ever since I was a kid. I closed my eyes, and my finger blindly led me to a scripture in Philippians.  

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

Peace.  

This scripture sounded familiar. A few moments later I found myself going through my backpack that I carry around with me every day and I pulled out a piece of paper that I took from Mass on Wednesday. I scanned it over and discovered it was the exact same scripture recited a few days prior during the service. 

Wow. I was sitting there reminding God over and over to take care of my family, but He made it clear in that moment that He did not need reminding. It was ME that needed the reminding. I did feel connected to this verse my first time reading it on Wednesday, but to blindly rediscover this same scripture a few days later in the midst of the worrying – that cannot be chalked up as a mere coincidence.  

Those brief moments of clarity and peace are few and far between for me, but when I feel them, it is indescribable and something I cling to so desperately in the days to follow.

I also wanted to share a quote from Henri Nouwen, a Dutch priest and professor, that I have referred to several times this week along with a new favorite scripture.

“Optimism and hope are radically different attitudes. Optimism is the expectation that things – the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation, and so on – will get better. Hope is trusting that God will fulfill God’s promises to us in a way that leads us to true freedom. The optimist speaks about concrete changes in the future. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands.” 

So instead of worrying the good, joyful and healthy days away while waiting for something bad to happen, I have made it my personal mission to live in the moment and have faith that my God has me and all my loved ones in the palm of His hand.

(Paige Nash is a wife, mother, publisher of Bienville Parish Journal and Claiborne Parish Journal and a digital journalist for Webster Parish Journal.)